What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 04:34
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My life is so biszare .
He knew the spot.
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I was 9 years of age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I never cut or harmed myself..
What celebrity do you admire the most?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But, we were locked up after school.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im still living with it.
Culpa maxime qui ut ut aut in.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
When she asked me how she looked .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So whats the point in blame.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
All the time i was locked up.
How do great movie moments influence how people handle real-life moral dilemmas?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why did i forgive my father ?
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I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She was in good health!
My family never makes their pension either.
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But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Put me off passion for life!!
I don,t even have a pension.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She found it foreign!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is soul school!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It was going to be , some day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ive learnt so much.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She wouldn,t have been !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Comes on , in middle age.
We all went to grammer schools
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I waited trembling.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I said to her
I was seconnd youngest,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I think the readers, may guess!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I could never make a relationship work though!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
So, i spoilt her more .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was very sick at this time too.
As i do to all so called friends.?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was scared of men, in general
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She married twice! .
She loved him until the end.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it wasn’t much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I will be 64.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Would this be the day?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot live in the past .
We were not on the streets..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I write beautiful poetry .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i lived it daily.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
What did i know ?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Who then, do I blame.?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I have no regrets .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!